I WIN KNEE PAIN

Sometimes the things you have to work hardest for give the greatest sense of achievment.

I’ve done it. I’ve won the battle of the maltracking patella.

Tonight I walked 5. 3km without my knee taped. Only I know how hard I’ve worked to achieve this. I’ve done the Muttonbitd Island walk countless times in various stages of pain over three and a half years.

Down past the Jetty restuarants hoping that my knee might be alright. Waiting for good trains that shake the earth under my feet at the railway crossing, when the boom gates close and the red light flashes. It hurts when I stop walking.

Out along the breakwall near the Marina, the tightness and pain starting. A big swell sweeping the wall and sometimes overtopping it. The 8:30am Virgin Blue flight coming into land; the spring carpet of Senecios turning Muttonbird Island yellow;  the winter tide washing the rocks at the base of dog beach, or the tide miles out to sea.  Many seasons have come and gone during this battle. Turn around at the base of Muttonbird Island, try to stretch hammies and ITB to loosen up.

I recall saying to my knee, I just want to walk without pain is that too much to ask? The vice like tightness, the burning nerve pain, everywhere, the eye watering pain behind the knee cap. With me everyday of my life.

Out across the dog beach the burning nerve pain used to really set in. Back along Orlando Street pushing through the pain. A pain that I knew would make my life a misery walking down the mall during the week. The stress making me feel dizzy and heavy.  My thoughts spiralling down into darkness, frustration, anger and despair.

Drivers on Orlando honking their horns, or screaming abuse at me. Leave me alone with my pain will you hoons! The drunks rolling home from the Pier Hotel. The pink light of 19 Orlando Street shining. Thinking do people really go in there?

The little girl riding her bike who looked at me and asked “Why so angry?” 

The wonder when I discovered McConnell taping and got immediate pain relief. No knee pain? The screaming had stopped for a moment.

The brief moments of pain relief when I thought I was getting somewhere, the knee cap falling back into its groove; then the horrible setback when a new physiotherapist suggested taping my knee more lightly. The knee cap went further off track that time, I could feel the cartiledge peeling off the side of my knee.

Up the hill on Harbour Drive knowing that I would pay for this walk later on. The pain screaming again like a voice that would never be quiet.

Those days in March 2007 when my foot felt like it was on fire and I’d get an eye watering burning pain in my knee while sitting at my desk at work and not even the tape would work. My life dimished in so many ways. Thinking that I needed surgery.

Obsessed with stretching my hammies, ITB and VMO activations.

People at work no longer wanting to hear, calling me lazy. That was the most frightening thing of all, not even my family wanted to know. A battle I had to fight on my own.

Only my counsellor, Peter, listened. Thanks for that. And of course Brad the physiotherapist who turned the injury around. Am I lucky I saw him? You bet! He said I took the prize for the weakest vastus medialis obliquus (inner quad muscle) he had ever seen. He said that it might take 12 months to rehab my knee and then I might run up to 5km. That was November 2006.

Well it took two and a half years, but I have run up to 20kms. How is that for exceeding expectations?

A knee cap that sounded like a tree branch was breaking. I couldn’t walk to the car without a strangling tightness grippng my inner quad.  I’d dip my leg into the Sawtell Pool to get repsite on the weekends. I actually learnt to swim, depsite hating the pool. Walking around Woolies was a challenge.

Never giving up, doing the strenghtneing and stretching and massage. Trying to eke out every ounce of strenghth in my wasted VMO. Like chipping away at a mountain. Imagining every sign of improvement, resigned to every set back.

Going to sleep with a pillow under or between my knees. Falling to sleep after another set of quad squeezes. Squeezing the pillow even in the dark, obsessed with fighting the battle. Swearing that if I never beat the knee pain I would keep fighting it until my dieing day!

The lunch time walks around Maclean Street oval. Three laps, stretches before and after. Swearing at the knee pain so much one of the neighbours complained as I went past.

The around the block walk after work. The long walk through the car park at Park Beach Plaza.  The fire in the knee always reaing its ugly head.

I kept fighting and figthing and there were moments when my knee started to feel better.

September 2007. One day my knee cap moved over a notch and felt alright. I saw the Eels play the Bulldogs at ANZ. I even ran for the train.

In Perth in Christmas 2007, doing a pain free walk in Meelup Regional Park, playing a round of golf.

Like the field trip to Royal National Park in May 2008. Full days out in the field doing what I love, botany, and no pain.

I ran first on the 18th June 2008. I started to run near the Coffs Sailing Boat club, angry with everything. I ran screaming out loud along the cycle path.

“Come on knee pain. What have you got?” I challenged it.

I swore about how much I hated Coffs Harbour.

I ran all the back to my unit and collapsed on my welcome mat, and curled into a ball and cried for I’m not sure how long, before going inside.  

Remarkeably I found the knee hurt just about as much running as it did walking.

Over the next few weeks I taped my knee and braved some more runs around the Muttonbird Island Circuit. I ran like a zephyr and a slight breeze.

The knee would hurt medially for about a kilometre but then it would warm up.

I went in my first cross country run in two decades in July. I did 24:45 and finished about 20th out of 28 runners. Sometimes the nerve pain stop me running during the week.

Often I’d throw the knee tape off because the pain would be too much. I ran in serveral more races with varying levels of pain until a run at Emerald Beach in early August.

I ran pain free that day and experienced the most unbelievable runners high.

I’ve run 800km with my knee taped.

But tonight I walked 5.3km without pain, without knee tape

I WIN KNEE PAIN

Back from Perth

I have been back from my holiday for two days now. Now I am gearing up for the Sawtell Fun Run on New Year’s morning. Getting rather nervous at the prospect of red lining it in a 5.5km run. It will hurt,  and I haven’t done a fast race since last years.

I have run 23:31 and 23:48 in moderate intensity training runs. So I am quite fit, and should go much better then the 24:41 I did three years ago in the Sawtell Fun Run on very little training and with a knee cap that was just starting to sublux and really go off track.

My holiday in Perth was a happy sad one. I ran one day and went for a bushwalk the next, having fun with my new digital SLR camera taking macro photos of wildflowers.

Guinea Flower with tiny spider.

On the running side of things I did

4 x10km

5:25, 5:03, 5:16, 5:06, 5:27, 4:43, 4:53, 5:27, 5:23, 6:04 (53:24)

5:21, 5:13, 5:20, 5:10, 5:20, 4:41, 5:03, 5:24, 5:18, 5:16 (51:59)

5:15, 5:05, 5:02, 5:05, 5:34, 4:40, 4:56, 5:25, 5:27, 5:12 (51:42). The garmin made me run 70 metres further for 5km on this run.

5:03, 4:41, 4:52, 4:50, 5:09, 4:30, 4:44, 5:05, 5:20, 5:08 (49:24)       

2 X 8km

5:27, 5:03, 5:26, 5:18, 5:20, 5:32, 5:26, 5:32 (42:55)

4:57, 4:42, 4:52, 4:47, 4:34, 4:57, 5:13, 5:03 (39:02) 

The course I did in Kings Park was on concrete footpaths and along the grass of the ‘boardwalk’. There where three hills on the course that helped my fitness along nicely.  The first was a gradual incline between kilometres three to five, along the path that runs alongside Thomas Street. The next started from the bottom of the Poole Avenue and climbed up to May Drive.  And the last was the long gradual haul up the Boardwalk, across Lovekin Drive and up to the nature trail near the DNA tower. I was getting stronger on the uphills as the holiday went along, which is reflected in my times per kilometre.  One day there was a bicycle race on and I had to watch out crossing Lovekin Drive for the cyclists crossing my path.

http://www.bgpa.wa.gov.au/c/bgpa/pub/stories/community/memorial-map-large.gif

I had a good system going, walk about five minutes from the car park; stretch, then slowly roll into the run. Easy running until I felt I had warmed up. In all the runs I kept saying “roll it out” in synch with my breathing. I was not flat out on any run, but certainly was working it.

The fact that I ran as much as I did on this holiday is remarkeable given that at the same time last year I was in pain just walking around Kings Park. On Christmas Day I thought “Being able to run is the best christmas present ever.”

Pom Poms

On the sad side of my holiday was the fact that my father wasn’t well. One day he lacked the energy to put his shoes on to get out to the shops. He had a fall out of his bed one night and landed on his back, which was already badly bruised by a fall on a bus. They had to winch him back onto his bed. As I watched him on the bed sleeping I could see he was in pain lying on his back. Dad has a very bad cough, his lungs are not the best, he lost a lot of weight, he is in fact lighter than me at 76kgs. This is the first time in my life that Dad has weighed less than me.  Still he wanted to get out last minute shopping to get chocolates for the staff at the hostel where he is staying. This really knocked him around.

On the hugely positive side of my holiday was that on several occassions I walked around the city reasonably comfortably without the knee tape, just a ITB strap. Last year I could not do this. My knee is light years better. Also my achilles tendon gave me little trouble, just a few twinges in the mornings before I warmed up.

Several times my mind turned to negative thoughts about work  The most positive response to these negative thoughts was that I will work even harder.  I should also turn my thoughts to the possibility this year might bring in the area of my resurgent running career.  This is the inspirational postive side of my life. 

The fact is I AM working hard and have achieved extraordinary things with my return to running.  I have also taught myself to swim depsite a deep seated fear of water. I am inspired by this. I have beaten panic attacks; managed haemochromatosis; sought answers to the damage done to my health by clueless GPs and physiotherapists;  avoided knee surgery by patience, hard work and courage.

 I have thought I was dieing, I have though there was no future for me, I have been too scared to walk into a shopping centre in case I have another panic attack, been too fatigued and dizzy to walk around my unit, felt that my chest would explode, felt that I might collapse at any time. 

Despite all this I am alive and doing amazing things. This is only due to hard work and amazing COURAGE. I will give myself credit for that if no one else will.

  Also on the positive side was catching up with family over there. I met with their cute little dog, full of beans and personality.

Swim the light fantastic

Big session this morning. 40 minute pool run. Followed by a 450 metre swim in 26 minutes 07. My breaks between each fifty are less. I control my breathing better so I am not out of breath each fifty. It is very slow swimming, but it is swimming and I can only get better.

Saw the physio on Friday about the achilles. He was happy with my progress. I can do one legged heel dros with minimal discomfort. He asked me to jump up and down on both legs. There was no pain. Then he asked me to jump on each leg. There was the start of some discomfort on the bad achilles. This was light years better than 2 weeks ago when I was limping around town.

My mood has picked up as well. Last week at work wasn’t as bad either. I spent an enoyable day in Bongil

Bongil NP.

Bongil Bongil Beach

Rain drops Scrub Creek

Cape water lily

Litoria fallax

Pool Running

A forty minute pool run. It seems pool running is still a novelty amongst swimmers.

“That must be boring for you,” one well meaing swimmer said. Which is interesting coming from someone chasing a black line up and down the pool.

With pool running I’m getting a good cardiovascular workout. However, I’m not getting chlorine up my nose, or in my hair. My eyes don’t turn red from the water leaking into my goggles. I don’t feel like I am drowning or suffocating when I turn my head to breathe and instead get a mouth full of water.

A couple of kids really couldn’t work out what I was doing. They checked me out underwater. “He has a bad knee maybe that is why he is doing it.”

Some girls swam past and said “How boring.” One splashed me with water. I asked her to keep her water to herself.

One boy asked me if I was touching bottom. I told him I was running in water because I have bung knee and can’t run on land.

He looked at me as if I was some exotic bug. Swimmers just don not understand.

Another boy asked me to move, he wanted to dive in.

“No I said use another lane.” At one stage I had to dodge in and out of other swimmers. I pool jogged from lane 8, to 6, and all the way over to 5, just trying to find a little bit of open water where I could pool jog in peace.

Then I had a swim, 250 metres. And I couldn’t believe I was swimming easily. Just slowing down my stroke and making sure I breath; floating like a log. They were the easiest 50 metres I’ve ever done! Maybe I’m mastering this swimming caper as well? I turn to breathe and then I delay the entry of my stroke into the water so I get more air.

This is all well and good, but I’d rather be running on dry land.

A big weekend

On Friday night I walked 5km. On Saturday I walked 6.6km, swam 1.5 km and walked 5km. Today I walked 6.6km. I thought on todays walk the knee started to improve about half way around. Still I am probably looking at months to beat this thing rather than weeks. I’m hoping for the day that I wake up and my VMO is strong enough for me to walk without the tape. Today I walked without the patella tendon strap.

The Sharks beat the Panthers 24-22. It is the best the Sharks have played in attack for ages.

 

 

 

Things might be looking up

I thought this in the car on the way back from watching the Group 2 Rugby League. I’d taken heaps of photos, the Sharks beat the Titans 30-14. My knee was leass painful than it has been for a long time.  Things might be on the improve. A comforting thought after two years.

Last night and this morning I went for two walks. Last night the 50 minute circuit; this morning up Muttonbird Island Hill. I liked to think the knee was much improved. I just can’t stop the physio and exercises until this injury is better. All day Saturday I was working the quads, stretching. It’s been a war, and I have been fighting it for too long.

Yesterday I swam 1km in the pool. My breaks between each 25 metres are less. My heart rate isn’t up too high after each lap. I think my heart rate only gets high when I’m not getting enough breath between each stroke.

Walk, swim cycle

yesterday I walked 7km in the morning, went for a swim in the afternoon and did 10 minutes on the exercise bike. Knee pain was there on the walk, and niggled for most of the day, not too badly but it annoyed me badly by just being there at all. In the swim my googles sprung a leak, and very chlorinated water in the indoor swimming pool really stung my eyes. It hurt and made my eyes water for over two hours afterwards

I look at the VMO and it is becoming and solid body of muscle rather a bunch of idependent fibres. More and more I can isolate those muscles. The knee still tilts laterally and that is extremely frustrating.

Last night I spent a lot of time thinking about how much I hate Coffs harbour, and what a purgatory it is living and working with some of the people in this town. I thought about how depserate I am to get away from this town and its people. I want to leave this place and be able to say “up yours Coffs, you didn’t take all my physical and mental health away.” Coffs is an overatted, self important, conservative, and intolerant place. I have lived in many places, but Coffs takes the cake as the asshole of the earth.

 

Swimming in the Jetty

On Friday and Saturday I went for a swim at Jetty Beach. Took me a while to get my confidence, but I swam out about 90 strokes. Then I  had a rest and swam back 100 strokes, which is my record for the number of strokes without taking a break. The salt water is great, the extra bouyancy really makes swimming easier.  On Saturday I felt confident that I could go all day swimming in the Jetty. I went to the Olympic Pool and swam seben hundred metres in the Olympic Pool. My breaks between 50 was even less. I swam 650 metres on Sunday, but I had to stop on a couple of 50 metres. That afternoon I had another swim in the Jetty, but didn’t go far, because I felt pretty weary.

I still haven’t worn tape. It’s fifteen days now. I’ve been really doing heaps of exercises. I’ve started doing the balancing with theraband exercise again. This seems to help quite a bit. I feel extra looseness through my VLAT tendon when I do these.

I just went for a 50 minute walk. The knee has a long way to go, but there is no doubt as I get stronger my knee is getting better.  A bigger proportion of the walk was average to good, less nasty tight and horrible.

Even better swim

Today I swam 725 metres. My breaks between each fifty are becoming less. I have developed a technique that helps me to swim without getting out of breath. I glide my right arm inwards to in front of my head and rest my head on my shoulder as I turn my head to breath. Then I sort of scoop the water behind me. Most of the arm action is in front of my head. I no longer fight the water. I go very easy, when I start ot get out of breath I slow my arm action down and make sure I get a good breath. Getting a better breath of air between each stroke is important.

My knee seemed stronger again today. I hardly noticed it walking to and from the pool. The ankle began to hurt when I was walking back to my car after shopping. I have been working my quads, just about non stop all weekend. The ankle is less swollen, but my shin is still sore if I spend too much time on it.    

My knee cap is till off track after all this work, but not as bad as it has been.  

Best Swim ever

I swam 9 x 50 metres today. I swam several laps and I didn’t seem to be too much out of breath. I swam 200 metres in the  rope lane. On 2 fifties I actually collided with the lane rope and kept going. I was hardly out of breath. Might be some sort of break through with my swimming. My ankle is still sore, but my knee seems to be tracking better, and I haven’t worn tape all day.  I’ve been working the quads hard all day, I’m pushing to get my leg back.