The Mist

I can say with all honesty that I didn’t enjoy this film. A fairly B-grade horror film with creatures from another dimension, the usual annoying villains that populate some of Stephen King’s books, in this case a religious zealot.

 Trouble is I couldn’t get the ending out my mind. The nightmare vision of the giant creature towering above the van. Then the awful decision by Drayton and his scream of anguish at the end.

 I didn’t like the ending. It was depressing. How can you enjoy something like that? However, it was a sting in the tail of the movie, and ultimately that is a sign of effective horror isn’t it? Effective horror is meant to shock, effective horror is meant to have the viewer care about the characters involved in the action, and what happens to them. The Mist achieved that.

 Another of King’s short stories adapted into film “The raft” had a similar effect on me. I hated it, but I didn’t forget the end in a hurry. Same as Pet Semetary. A whole novel spent developing interesting characters that all die horrible deaths, and undeaths.

 It is certainly different to the sentimental endings in movies such as I am Legend, which destroyed an interesting book by Richard Matheson.

 Maybe films like the mist are effective examples of the horror genre, which more and more I find is not my cup of tea.

I am legend

I watched ‘I am Legend’ with Will Smith. They just about changed everything from the novella by Richard Matheson. I don’t think the changes improved the film, it lessened the drama. The parts of the novel that I thought were most compelling were not in the film.

In the film for example, the first living thing Richard Neville sees is a savage feral dog. It’s hungry and Neville leaves food out for it. Longing for companionship with a another living thing, Neville tries to get close to the dog. But the dog trusts no one, and runs away snarling at Neville. Slowly, Neville is able to get closer to the dog, and eventually he wins it’s trust. However, once it loses its wildness, it loses its ability to survive against the vampires and is killed. Only its feral nature enables it to survive. I thought this part of the novella was rivetting reading. As a reader you could really feel Neville’s desperation, his loneliness, his fear that the dog will be a mirage that slips through his fingers like smoke.

The whole idea of the novella is that Neville becomes the thing in the night that kills. He becomes like a vampire or ghost to those that he kills in their beds. Neville doesn’t discriminate between those he kills. Some of the ‘vampires’ he murders, are less affected by the virus, they sleep by day and are not violent monsters. They are developing a new society. Neville is feared by the members of the new society. He is a monster, he is a daymare, he is a legend.

In the film Neville is a tragic hero who gives his life to save humanity. In the book Neville sees his own wife infected and destroyed by the virus. In the movie his wife and child is killed in a helicopter accident. In the book not all vampires are killers. In the film they are all horribly violent, they are more like zombies. The book is a vampire book, the film isn’t.  

In the book Neville finds a woman who appears to be unaffected by the virus. She finds a way into his barricaded house, and she gets under his defences. It turns out she is a ‘vampire’, one of the ones less affected by the virus. She is in fact a spy sent to find out where the monster Neville lives so that the new society can stop him from killing. She sees that Neville isn’t a monster after all and implores him to run away before the vigilantes get to him. He refuses to run.

In the movie Neville is saved by a woman, who claims top have heard God say that there is colony of healthy humans in the country. Then God speaks to Will Smith and he decides to give his life to save the woman and child.

I think that the movie changes things to be more appealing to Hollywood. The ideas are designed to appeal more to safe ideas held by conservative Americans; there is considerable pulling of the mainstream heart strings, pandering to religous beliefs, to notions of the nuclear family, to the black and white dividing line between good and evil (no shades of grey), to popular music and movies (Shrek for example). It sucks most of the drama from the film in my opinion. It takes the softer option with all the characters and narrative.  If I hadn’t read the book then I probably would have enjoyed the film. It was entertaining and fast moving, Will Smith performs a likeable enough portrayal of Neville. 

There’s a darker more interesting film that could be made exploring the ideas in the novel. However, it probably wouldn’t have appealed to the unimaginative mass market that many films are pitched at these days it seems.

Another day another dipthong.

Spoke to Dad. He’s still really tired after having the pacemaker put in. He’s not strong enough to make it down to the dining room yet. The doctors put the thing in  with a local anaesthetic. It really made his shoulder sore. He doesn’t complain.

My knee is going through 4 seasons in one day. Not sure how this is all going to pan out. Whether I’ll ever get a functional knee back.  The silly thing still maltracks.

Watched Million Dollar Baby on the television. I thought it was a good movie. I liked Hilary Swank’s character, a really tragic person. The only part I didn’t like was some of the hospital scenes, a little bit mawkish.

I agreed to do three weeks work away from home. I’m not sure why I said yes. I will have to cohabit with three other botanists. I haven’t co-habited with anyone for years. Well I did stay one night with my sister, but that is the first time for many years.

I tidied up my front and back courtyards on the weekend. I expected a standing ovation from my neighbours. They love tidiness 

Imelda Marcos of Running Shoes

It’s getting harder
just keeping life and soul together
I’m sick of fighting even though I know I should.

The cold is biting through each and every nerve and fibre
My broken spirit is frozen to the core.

I don’t want to be here no more.

Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes even if it was for just one day?
And wouldn’t it be good if we could wish ourselves away?

 Nick Kershaw 

Having a dodgy knee makes me feel like that sometimes

I have about seven pairs of running shoes. Even though I struggle to walk far, let alone run. I buy shoes in the hope that they give me some relief from knee pain.

I have:

Brooks Radius, Brooks Andrenalin ( worn twice, they don’t suit), Brooks Vapor (ran the fateful Sawtell fun run in them, ACICS GT 2100, Adidas Suprenova Controls and Cushion, New Balance 1060s.

Silent Running is on the ABC at the moment. Geez, it looks like a daggy film for a classic. The special effects are cheesy, so is some of the music ( a mix between international rescue and and a 70s folk festival), the robots lack the appeal of the Robot in Lost in Space.  I can’t say I am a fan of it.

This morning the knee felt good for more than a moment, and I didn’t have it  taped. I put the tape on to go swimming and the knee niggled but not as much as last week. I keep improving at swimming. Can’t swim straight yet.

Underwhelming

Every time I look at my VMO, I am underwhelmed by the strenghth in my VMO. Considering the months and months of work I’ve put into it.

Last night I watched a film called the World’s fastest Indian. It’s amazing how a postive film like that can change your mindset.

Burt Munro was a man chasing after his dream who was able to win people over with  his eccentric but positive personality. He also chased after his dream despite most people saying he was too old and couldn’t do it. It inspired me for a while, made me think about the dreams I want to chase.

I dream of leaving Coffs, becoming a landscape photographer, or a writer. Working for myself.

  

The Week in Sydney

Saturday.Arrived Saturday night. Hurried from the airport, checked in at Wolli Creek and rushed straight out to Telstra Stadium. On the train I got into a carriage with a bunch of inebriated masters soccer players. They were loud, very loud. Was kind of glad to get away from them. They weren’t obnoxious, just blind drunk.

I took my seat five minutes before kick off. There was a crowd of 56 000 in attendance,  truck loads of colour and atmosphere, gold and blue parra flags, blue and white bulldogs fans. My knee was feeling nice and loose. I had put on a ilio tibial band strap, which seemed to help. 

The Bulldogs scored first with  Joel Reddy struggling in defence. The Eels hit back with two tries and a field goal to lead 13-6. A Dogs fan said, “That’s bullsheet.” every time the Eels got a penalty. She sounded like that Greek comedian Effie.

Kristan Inu smiling as he lines up a kick.

The Eels scored two late tries to win 25-6. Jarryd Hayne pulled in a pass above his head and put the ball down one handed for the last try. I was glad the Eels won. Never have liked the Dogs. The Eels have many talented backs who are  entertaining to watch. I used to support the Eels when they were up against Manly in the 1976 GF.

At central I bought a burger at Hungry Jacks. I sat down next to a fellow who had a magazine with a picture of a sports car on it. He was really impressed with the car. I asked if it was his, he nodded yes. He pointed at my leg and wanted to know what was wrong with it. I said it was sore. The man then showed me heaps of pages , he seemed to be impressed with patterns and shapes in the magazine. I believe he may suffer from autism or schizophrenia. He was a friendly and happy dude. I gave him a couple of my chips.

The motel room was on the ninth floor with a view of the international terminal.  At various times there were Japan Airlines, United Airlines, Air New Zealand, Emirates, Singapore Airlines parked at the departure gates. The picture below is the view from my motel room you can see Wolli Creek, and parts of th loop of the walk I did each morning.

Sunday.Went for a walk around Wolli Creek. My leg didn’t feel too bad, the nerve pain was there so was a pain on top of my ankle. Then I went into the City.

The film Final Winter was on at Hoyts. It was reasonably entertaining. It was about the final year in the career of a hard player called Grub Henderson. Dirty on the field, but a family man off it. The boundaries between his hardness on and off the field becomes blurred. He has to reasses what is important to him the game or his family that he is neglecting. Matt Johns was good as the coach. Seemed to get better as the movie went on. Matt Nable played Grub; he looked a bit like Charles Bronson. An interesting character with two very distinct sides to him.

 I walked through the Domain to the Gardens bought another copy of Ocean Shores to Desert Dunes which I left in the motel last time.

My legs started to tighten up when I walked through the domain. I went as far as the Boy Charlton Pool. Then back past the Opera House. What was troubling was the nerve pain, and pains in my back and my ankle. 

Monday. The physio decided that a lot of my pain was coming from the sacro iliac joint. He dry needled it, and massaged my ITB and lateral retinaculum. He thought  I was getting on top of the patella problems. I said that I could sense that the VMO was stronger, but was annoyed by the persistent nerve pain and knee catching. The biofeedback gear said that my VMO:VL ratio was 1:5, which is pretty crap. The physio said I was welcome to come in every day and use the biofeedback gear. After that first session  I was able to get closer to a 1:1 VMO:VL ratio.

Tuesday. Went for another walk around Wolli Creek. There was definately less nerve pain than the day before. However, I had developed nasty blisters on my heel, which was really making walking painful. Went into town and visted the physio, he kindly hooked up the gear and showed me how to use it. Again I was able to get the VMO firing better. Perhaps I overdid it, because when I left my knee was a bit sore and there was lots of cracking in it. More annoying was the blister pain on my heel.

I went for a walk over to Darling Harbour. I’d never been to the Sydney Aquarium. It was well worth a visit. A very impressive collection of fish, from coral to freshwater habitats. Really weird fish like the Unicorn Fish, massive Barramundi and other brightly coloured fish I can’t remember the names of. They even had a couple of platypus. Of course there is the oceanarium where you walk underwater, with Sharks and Rays swimming over the top. There was black tip and white tip Reef, lemon Sharks, Grey Nurse Sharks and huge rays. The Solitary Islands display also had some impressive looking fish. I thought it was really great. I was limping about becuase my feet were sore from the blisters.

Wednesday.Waterfall to Heathcote Bushwalk. I was determined to do this walk. The day got off to a bad start. The scissors I had to cut the knee tape disappeared from my room, probably got caught up in the bed clothes. So I headed to Sutherland and bought a pair of scissors in  a newsagent. Then I head down to Waterfall.

I can’t remember the last time I did this walk. But I used to do it regularly before I got my first car. I changed into my trousers at the start of the trail. Near Waterfall Oval I bumped into a bloke, carrying a cheap carry bag, and rugged up in a beanie and shabby clothes. I suspected he was a homeless man  who had slept overnight in the park.

The Wildlowers were out in profusion. Eriostemons, Boronias, Black-eyed Susans, Bacon and Egg Plants, White beards, Sun Orchids, Caledenias. My knee gave me a bit of curry walking down hill into Uloola Falls. Uloola Falls had a bit of water going over it. I remembered I camped there once in a bivvie bag. Stretching my knee seemed to loosen it up and I decided I was going pretty well. Then I walked over to Karloo Pools. The sandstone heath was alive in colour. One of my favourite plants the Native Rose (Boronia serrulata) was very profuse. I bumped into a flowering Gymea Lily near Karloo Pools. Karloo Pools looked very green in colour. I was very happy all of a sudden; wistfully so.

Then I headed uphill to Heatchcote. My knee reall started to fire up getting closer to Heathcote Station. I’d probably overdone, but I was determined to do this walk, and I made it. Who knows if I’ll ever walk it again? It was a pleasant return to memories of my times bushwalking in the 1980s. I decided that I was a pretty good young bloke then. It’s a shame that things haven’t got all that positively for me since then. Better times, discovering nature, becoming a good runner.

Went into the physio late and had a practice with the biofeeback gear my VMO was going much more strongly. The other physio hooked it up, I couldn’t believe how well it was going, so I reattached it to make sure it wasn’t cheating.

Some Wildflower Photos

Gompholobium virgatum

Gymea lily Doryanthes excelsa

Native Rose Boronia serrulata

Eriostemon australasius

Thursday. Headed to Miranda Fair. Bought two pairs of Shorts.  Dad’s old block of units had a lock on the gate and a fence where vandals used to take a short cut and break the light globes. Ate Subway for lunch, and headed back to the Motel. The nerve pain was bugging me most of the time, and there was a lot of catching in my knee . 

At the physio I praticed with the biofeeback gear again. My VMO was more active again. After that I visted Wildlife World. Not as good as the Aquarium. The highlight was the Yellow Footed Rock Wallabies and a Cassowary. My knee was bugging me, the cracking and catching and nerve pain.

Friday. A similar pattern was developing. A positive morning walk around Wolli Creek. Followed by a stroll in the domain, then a physio appointment. The physio gave me another dry needle and massage. He had a look at the VMO:VL ratio and it was much closer to 1:1. He was pretty happy with the way I was going and advised that I stick at it and eventually I will be able to walk and maybe run a bit. I’m happy with the increased strength, but the nerve pain that I feel is persistant, I wonder if I will ever get on top of it. The weird thing is that I was more pain free in December and February. Don’t seem to to be able to recapture that.

All in all, I’ve found the physio to be very helpful; very good of him to let me use the biofeedback gear without extra charge. It is a friendly practice, I feel welcome when I go there. Trouble is that it is so far away in Sydney. I wish Coffs had a similar quality of physios and sports physicians. I do believe that the physio I had early in this injury was not up to scratch, and it really has set me back. I am confident that if I’d done some of the things that I am doing now, the outcome would have been a lot different and less of a nightmare. I secretly fear that I have done too much damage to my knee, and it is stuffed and will never be the same. Each positive sign is countered by a negative one.

This afternoon I visted the zoo. I enjoyed the bird and nocturnal mammal exhibits. Bilby’s, Feather-tailed Gliders, Bettongs, Potoroos, Quolls. I was really impressed by the Superb Fruit Doves and Rose Crwoned Fruit Doves. My knee was troubling me most of the afternoon. I had lost the ITB strap that helped me last Saturday.

Saturday. Last day in Sydney. Morning walk around Wolli Creek. The nerve pain will not relent. The whole leg doesn’t feel smooth. My feet, my back, my ankle, the knee. I went up to observation deck at Centrepoint Tower. My knee was really getting sore after a walk around the Domain to the Opera House and up George Street.

The Cowboys got thrashed by Manly in the semi final. The seat I had was pretty lousy. Supposedly a premium ticket. Higher up would have been better, I’ll know what to ask for next time. I was in amongst a bunch of rude Manly supporters who stood up every time Manly made a break. I asked them to sit down, but the arrogant father just waved at me. Why not stand up with rest of us, was his reponse. Well firstlyI have a sore knee, secondly I am not excited by Manly making  a break and thirdly you shouldn’t be so rude as to block other’s view of the game, when you can see perfectly well sitting down. Do I hate Manly supporters? Yes. And that man just gave me more reason to despise them. And yes pal, you are a rude smart arse, and your son is a bad sport for swearing at Jonathon Thurston. I will swear all I like at selfish, arrogant, rude people like you. 

 I moved at half time to behind the goal posts. I could see the game better with my binoculars. So a bad end to the holiday really, my knee was sore walking back to Central station. I can only hope Manly choke in the GF.

VMO is go

Yes, the VMO is getting stronger each day. My trip to Sydney was no quite as I expected. I found that Brad McIntosh has left the practice at Mosman to set up his own practice. A shame because Brad really helped me in the direction of recovery. I saw another physio named Matt.

It threw me out, because I had to start fresh with my history with a new physio. Also I find that each physio has different ideas and taping techniques. Matt taped the knee more lightly because he was worried about the effect on the tape on the skin. This worried me, I had become comfortable with Brad’s more aggresive technique. All in all I found that I have progressed. My ratio of VMO to VL strength is now 1:2. It was 1:5 last December. At my first consult the VMO hardly registered on the scale!!! Matt recommends laeving the tape on for a whole week. I told him that will be difficult in Coffs Harbour  where the humidity will not let anything stick for long. He gave me some roll on stuff that helps protect the skin and adds to the adhesiveness of the tape.

I went over to the Gardens book shop and bought a flannel flower T-shirt. Then I walked over to the cinema. Pan’s Labyrinth was not on until 6:30. After I left the new taping had me worried. I felt a stab of pain in the outside of the knee in the Botanic Gardens. I thought oh no thats really really sore. I kept walking around town and the pain actually settled down.

I decided to go back to the motel at Wolli Creek, re tape my knee and then go into town to watch the movie. Funnily enough by the time I got to the motel my knee was feeling not too shabby. I replaced the tape anyway.

Walking into town the knee actually felt a bit more fiery with the tighter tape. I went into the virgin Megastore and bought Wish CD by the Cure. I’m about to stick it into the the CD player. It comes with a high recommendation from Camo at work. I like Head on the Door so I thought I might like this as well.  

Went and watched Pan’s Labyrinth. An interesting dark fantasy, and I mean very dark,  about making choices. The main character is ordered by Pan to surrender her brother for sacrifice. He needs to sacrifice the blood of an innocent to open a portal.  The sister must decide when the result of the choice puts her life at risk.

 The ending was quite beautiful. The narrator says something like.

“And the princess left small signs of her life as a girl, for those who now where to look.”

A white flower opened up on the branch of a long dead tree.

Anyway after the movie I stood up and my knee cracked for several minutes. Then it settled down. At times on the way home the knee felt rather good. A little fiery at times but not bad at all. All the time I’m sitting I keep flexing the fibres of my VMO.  I must look like a crazy thigh worshsipper.

This morning I woke up and went for a hour walk right around the Cooks River and back to the motel. My leg felt quite frankly wonderful.  In fact it was my other knee that hurt! So I thought, yep, this day is going to be very high on the top ten list. I cried a bit with relief, I thought jeez you’re a sook. It ocurred to me  that sometimes the things you’ve got to work hardest for are those that give you the most satification of achievement. This knee is one of those things. There have been times that I thought that I’d never walk again, like the way I walked around the lake this morning. My mind immediately started thinking in more positive directions. To be honest, this constant knee pain, had caused me to fall into depression on several occassions.  I finished up in hospital after a stress attack in July. Today, I looked at myself in the mirror, and I said you’re a bloody fighter mate. You can achieve heaps if you put your mind to it. Like 2005, when I was sick with hemochromatosis, and not knowing what the hell was wrong me. I pushed through a wall, that had life on one side, and death on the other. I pushed through and demanded answers from doctors who told me it was JUST stress and a mystery. Yeah, I stress when the doctors and physios I’ve seen in Coffs for help haven’t bloody well helped me.

In town the leg tightnened up a bit, but there was hardly any pain. When the leg gets tight I sit down and activite my VMO by twitching the fibres. I refuse to let it shut it down again. When I stand up again my leg is much freer. It’s like magic. I like it.

I’m back in Coffs, there is a film of sweat coating my legs and back. Coffs Sweat Box, Coffs humid bar.  I like Coffs Harbour when I’m somewhere else. 

P.P.S My VMO was going at this period of pain free, smooth knee function. For a couple of weeks from early to mid February. The flare up in March was basically reinjuring the knee, sending ti further off track and doing more damage. Something I have yet to recover from.